I have been pondering these last few days/weeks why hurt around certain situations keeps rearing its ugly head - mostly when we least expect it. While I am not certain if I have the answer, what came into my thoughts almost immediately (and actually made me stop and ponder it) was that every time pain creeps into our hearts bringing up tender aches inside of us, we have a choice. We have the choice to allow it to hurt us again, or we have a choice to work on being the overcomers that God has created us to be and face the situation with confidence that this too shall one day pass.
Sometimes those aches become addictions to our soul. Almost as though we can't live without the hurt. Or, moreso, we are incapable of coping without that yoke of pain inside of us.
I quit smoking 1 1/2 years ago. I had a dream 1 1/2 years prior to the time I quit. In this dream, God spoke to me directly and said, "Kelli, Beloved, you need to quit smoking. It will be really hard for 3 months. But, when you do, you will reap eternal blessings." And you know, when I woke up, the only thing that resonated with me was that it would be really hard for 3 months. Not the fact that the King of Kings spoke to me in a dream. Not that I would reap eternal blessings. It was fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not having my crutch to lean on any more. Fear that Daddy would really let me down. Fear, fear, and more fear.
I wish I could tell you that my heart changed, that I was a willing participant and didn't give Daddy any crap...but that would be a lie. It was hard. Harder still after the first 3 months. Probably because my attitude stunk, making it harder for God to tear down the barriers of my addiction. I was still driven by fear. I was angry that Daddy didn't take the cravings away from me (because I knew He could!). I was angry that He hadn't blessed me with all the abundance I thought I deserved (with a heart of stone, no less). I don't know how long it took for me to finally lay my will down (throwing my hands up in frustration that I wasn't making head-way under my own understanding) and humbling myself to a point where I could hear God's voice of reason. I remember with every craving, whether crying, contending or whispering, I would speak out the name of Jesus. And, He never failed me. Today, I think about the agony that I put myself through by just wanting to do things my way. I tell people constantly that pat me on the back for quitting, that it certainly was not by anything I did, but by His grace, His mercy, His patience. The only thing I did was to make a choice daily to listen to the voice of Jesus instead of the voice of the enemy and the voice of my pain. HA! That almost makes it sound easy. And, it wasn't. But, God is faithful and if His children call out to Him...He answers.
There are things in all of our lives that He is willing to remove if we allow Him to enter in. But, let's be honest, it isn't going to feel good. It is going to hurt and you are going to want that pain to stop the very moment it enters you (at least, that has been the case with me!). THE PAIN IS TEMPORARY! You are not alone! Your Daddy, the creator of the universe is standing with you. He is not only holding you, but He is delighting in you through your process. He sees the final outcome ... The victory! The freedom! The deliverance! The courage to overcome! Every time we overcome, we heal!!
I encourage you during those times of pain, to look at where that pain is really coming from. And, give it to the Lord. He can handle it. You and I will come out the other side of this grief stronger and better able to overcome it the next time it invades our thoughts. We will believe more in the power of prayer because we are on our faces in desperation. We will know that our Daddy fights for us and if He is for us, who dare be against us.
Beloved, know this. With every problem, God gives us a promise and a provision.
He created us to be salt and light and this process is to get us there faster.