In these times, we see constant destruction and heartache. Physical deaths, spiritual attacks, mental disabilities (we all have them, don't deny it). But, what I have come to realize over the years, is how we deal with those losses will infinitely affect the direction of our lives. Our "destiny", for lack of a better term, is influenced by our decisions and by our reactions. Have you ever noticed that in the process of healing, our reactions differ from circumstance to circumstance? Our reactions tend to be severe at first, and then if we are allowing ourselves to be used/molded/HEALED by God, we start to bring Daddy into the equation. We look to Him before we react. We may still be full of emotion, but we learn from the consequences of our reactions in the past.
One loss from my life sticks out in my thoughts. Not because of what happened, as much as the way that I reacted (surprisingly different than how I have reacted as an adult). - one of childlikeness
I know very little about my biological family. But, I do know that my bio mom had many children, by many different men. I had a half sister named Sheila. I didn't remember much of her as I was adopted pretty young (around 6ish years old).
I was around 8 years old. My adopted mom woke me up. She gently wiped her hand down my face, which was a thing that my adopted dad and I did. I woke up with a smile on my face. I looked into my mom's face, though, and felt her sadness. I asked right away, "What's wrong?". She smiled sadly. "Something happened...", she said. "It doesn't have to do with Denise, Dennis or Sheri, does it?!?!?" "No. It happened to your sister, Sheila." I didn't really know Sheila at that time. It had been a long time since I had been left at the truck stop by my bio mom. "What happened?" "Sheila died." I believe Sheila was about 5 years old at that time. She had been in the foster care system and had been playing with her foster brother's gun and shot herself. "Well, I am thankful to Jesus that it wasn't Denise, Dennis or Sheri...."
I wish I could say that I still react to trauma that way. I was just so glad that no one in my immediate circle wasn't taken away from me. I went to Sheila's funeral. I remember at the wake, looking down at her little body, feeling sorry that I had not known her better. Later on in life, I tried looking for her grave. We never did find it...
I want to be so confident in my Daddy that I can react in any situation with grace, a peaceful heart, a gentle spirit. As adults, we get so bent with our circumstances. We get so angry, so self righteous. I pray that Daddy continues to work on me. I want my attitude to spill positively over on others...
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you." Isaiah 43:2