My heart hurts today for everyone that I have ever hurt...willingly or unwillingly. Talk about a yoke of bondage! (No wonder Jesus says to lay all of our burdens at the foot of the cross! In order to live/walk in freedom, we must release our yoke and put it upon Him who suffered and died for it.) Maybe God is convicting me to really think before I act/speak. Yet again, He is peeling me back layer by layer, bringing to the surface all the hidden shrapnel that has laid waste inside of me.
God has called me into a season of “loving better”. I am not sure if I really like this season. Not that I don’t long to love better…it’s just that I don’t like coming to terms with how I haven’t loved well in the past. I feel guilty and condemned for not being a perfect lover. But, that doesn't come from the Lord. Those are the remains from lies past... God isn't doing this to spite me, but to reveal to me how to love with HIS pure, unconditional love. A heart that loves without judgement. Imagine this - being loved for EXACTLY who you are. No if’s, and’s or but’s about it. I love you. Period. No strings attached. Tears gather in my eyes just thinking of that. To be honest, I think the reason I can’t love like this (yet!) is because I have never experienced it myself. Or allowed myself to. There is only One who can really love me/you in that way.
I think what it boils down to, and this is me owning my issues, is that I have had unreasonable expectations on those I care about. I have sought perfection and when I didn't find it, I got disappointed. No one can live up to to perfection, because no one is perfect. So, Daddy...work in me! Heal me! Deliver me! And teach me to love both the lovable and unlovable things in others. I want to be loved wholly for who I am. Guide my thoughts, words and actions. Heal my heart so I can love with wholeness. Tether me to truth, Daddy.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (NIV)