I know many of you have heard me say that God has me in a season of "loving better". I am not even certain what this means or entails, but I know that God is working in and through me to make me into the "lover" that He has created me to be. The process has been surprisingly intense, painful, refining and lovely, all at the same time. God has enlarged the expanses of my heart. He has brought me face to face with the lies that have bound me since childhood. He has literally ripped shrapnel from my past, has bandaged those broken places with His tenderness and His oil of joy, and is massaging my heart back to wholeness.
Is God calling you to "love better"? To have a little more grace for that co-worker that gets on your nerves. To provide "random acts of kindness" to someone. To pray a blessing over someone you don't get along with.
My daughter's teacher pulled me aside at the beginning of the year and told me a story of how Lexi loved well. There is a girl in Lexi's class named Cassie that has special needs. She struggles with anger and had been physically abusive in prior settings. Every day, Lexi came into school and hugged Cassie. Her friends made fun of her, but she kept doing it. She always included Cassie in her recess activities and offered to sit by her at lunch. Lexi's teacher told Lexi that it wasn't safe to hug on Cassie like she did because Cassie had anger problems and could really hurt Lexi. Lexi felt really bad, but listened to her teacher. That very day, at the end of the school day during "Gratitude Attitudes" (telling who/what they are grateful for), when it was Cassie's turn, Cassie said, "I am grateful for my only friend Lexi. Because she hugs me everyday. And that makes me not want to hit anyone." Lexi was allowed to hug Cassie everyday thereafter. God is speaking to the hearts of our children, as well as into ours.
Daddy, give us opportunities to love better. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear the needs of those around us. Bring us to a place of preferring others over ourselves. Help us to be sensitive to the situations you bring us into at home, in our places of fellowship, at church and at work. Use us Lord to love the unlovable, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, encourage the despairing, and rescue (pray for) the oppressed. We give you our hands and feet, we give you our hearts and minds, we give you our finances and our possessions. We acknowledge that everything we have has been given to us by You, our loving Daddy. We cast our eyes on You, the source of our peace and our hope; the author and perfector of our lives. Draw us near so that we may know You more deeply, so that we have even more to give back to You and to others... Amen.
Blessings, my friends. May you be refreshed by the love of our Daddy today.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Bridges, not walls
"Building bridges, not walls" - Joyce Meyer
Ephesians 2:14 - For He is our peace. He has made us both one, and has broken down the hostile dividing wall between us.
"One day while I was praying, the Holy Spirit showed me that my life had become a bridge for others to pass over and find their place in God. For many years, I erected only walls in my life; but now where there were walls, there are bridges instead. All the difficult and unfair things that have happened to me have been turned into highways over which others can pass to find the same liberty I have found. I have learned to build bridges instead of walls.
In Hebrews 5:9 Jesus is referred to as "the Author and Source of eternal salvation." He pioneered a pathway to God for us. He became a highway for us to pass over. It is as though He faced a giant forest and went in ahead of us so that when we came along we could drive right through it without having to fight all the elements and the density of the forest. He sacrificed Himself for us; and now that we are benefiting from His sacrifice, He is giving us a chance to sacrifice for others so they can reap the same benefits we enjoy.
Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus endured the cross for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before Him. I like to remind myself of that fact when the way seems hard. I tell myself, "Keep pressing on!" Ther is JOY ahead."
Make a decision to tear down your walls and build bridges. There are many, many people who are lost in their messes and need someone to go before them and show them the way. Why not be that person for them? Walls or bridges? The choice is yours."
I hope you choose to be a bridge…I have.
Ephesians 2:14 - For He is our peace. He has made us both one, and has broken down the hostile dividing wall between us.
"One day while I was praying, the Holy Spirit showed me that my life had become a bridge for others to pass over and find their place in God. For many years, I erected only walls in my life; but now where there were walls, there are bridges instead. All the difficult and unfair things that have happened to me have been turned into highways over which others can pass to find the same liberty I have found. I have learned to build bridges instead of walls.
In Hebrews 5:9 Jesus is referred to as "the Author and Source of eternal salvation." He pioneered a pathway to God for us. He became a highway for us to pass over. It is as though He faced a giant forest and went in ahead of us so that when we came along we could drive right through it without having to fight all the elements and the density of the forest. He sacrificed Himself for us; and now that we are benefiting from His sacrifice, He is giving us a chance to sacrifice for others so they can reap the same benefits we enjoy.
Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus endured the cross for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before Him. I like to remind myself of that fact when the way seems hard. I tell myself, "Keep pressing on!" Ther is JOY ahead."
Make a decision to tear down your walls and build bridges. There are many, many people who are lost in their messes and need someone to go before them and show them the way. Why not be that person for them? Walls or bridges? The choice is yours."
I hope you choose to be a bridge…I have.
WHOOT!
I don't know about you, but these last few weeks have been a time of refining (iron sharpening iron). God is lengthening, strengthening, deepening and widening my heart for others. He is speaking truth where lies previously resided. He is painfully picking away the shrapnel of my past, and replacing it with His tenderness, His mercies, His grace and His abounding, unconditional love. Mmmmm... Can we rest in that for a moment? The God of the universe, that created life, created us. He desired us. He formed us to be in relationship with Him. All because He loves us. I pray that God captivates your heart as He has captivated mine. I pray that your soul is refreshed. That God replaces the shrapnel in your life, with His tender truth.
"God is love and all who live in love live in God and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect." 1 John 4:16-17
My heart aches with joy and excitement to be on this adventure. My hope for you is that during the coming months, you are restored to a whole version of who you were meant to be in Christ. In that wholeness, we can really witness to those around us. In that wholeness, the light of Jesus/Spirit/God will shine forth. In that wholeness, people will be drawn to us and want what we have.
"God is love and all who live in love live in God and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect." 1 John 4:16-17
My heart aches with joy and excitement to be on this adventure. My hope for you is that during the coming months, you are restored to a whole version of who you were meant to be in Christ. In that wholeness, we can really witness to those around us. In that wholeness, the light of Jesus/Spirit/God will shine forth. In that wholeness, people will be drawn to us and want what we have.
To love or not to love
My heart hurts today for everyone that I have ever hurt...willingly or unwillingly. Talk about a yoke of bondage! (No wonder Jesus says to lay all of our burdens at the foot of the cross! In order to live/walk in freedom, we must release our yoke and put it upon Him who suffered and died for it.) Maybe God is convicting me to really think before I act/speak. Yet again, He is peeling me back layer by layer, bringing to the surface all the hidden shrapnel that has laid waste inside of me.
God has called me into a season of “loving better”. I am not sure if I really like this season. Not that I don’t long to love better…it’s just that I don’t like coming to terms with how I haven’t loved well in the past. I feel guilty and condemned for not being a perfect lover. But, that doesn't come from the Lord. Those are the remains from lies past... God isn't doing this to spite me, but to reveal to me how to love with HIS pure, unconditional love. A heart that loves without judgement. Imagine this - being loved for EXACTLY who you are. No if’s, and’s or but’s about it. I love you. Period. No strings attached. Tears gather in my eyes just thinking of that. To be honest, I think the reason I can’t love like this (yet!) is because I have never experienced it myself. Or allowed myself to. There is only One who can really love me/you in that way.
I think what it boils down to, and this is me owning my issues, is that I have had unreasonable expectations on those I care about. I have sought perfection and when I didn't find it, I got disappointed. No one can live up to to perfection, because no one is perfect. So, Daddy...work in me! Heal me! Deliver me! And teach me to love both the lovable and unlovable things in others. I want to be loved wholly for who I am. Guide my thoughts, words and actions. Heal my heart so I can love with wholeness. Tether me to truth, Daddy.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (NIV)
God has called me into a season of “loving better”. I am not sure if I really like this season. Not that I don’t long to love better…it’s just that I don’t like coming to terms with how I haven’t loved well in the past. I feel guilty and condemned for not being a perfect lover. But, that doesn't come from the Lord. Those are the remains from lies past... God isn't doing this to spite me, but to reveal to me how to love with HIS pure, unconditional love. A heart that loves without judgement. Imagine this - being loved for EXACTLY who you are. No if’s, and’s or but’s about it. I love you. Period. No strings attached. Tears gather in my eyes just thinking of that. To be honest, I think the reason I can’t love like this (yet!) is because I have never experienced it myself. Or allowed myself to. There is only One who can really love me/you in that way.
I think what it boils down to, and this is me owning my issues, is that I have had unreasonable expectations on those I care about. I have sought perfection and when I didn't find it, I got disappointed. No one can live up to to perfection, because no one is perfect. So, Daddy...work in me! Heal me! Deliver me! And teach me to love both the lovable and unlovable things in others. I want to be loved wholly for who I am. Guide my thoughts, words and actions. Heal my heart so I can love with wholeness. Tether me to truth, Daddy.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (NIV)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Age 4-5
Ok, so now this is more real. I have started a blog to tell my story. Typically, at this point, I would run for the hills. I would do everything in my power to shut people out so they couldn't get close - so they wouldn't see who I really was/am. I would shut down my blog and build my wall again. But this time...well, that's not an option. I am scared...but...I am sensing a call on my life that is bigger than me and my insecurities (I say this humbly, as God can do all things for His purpose/plan/will to be done). Once again, I say, "Satan, move behind me", and run toward freedom from the blanket of darkness that was cast on me a long time ago.
NOTE: My age in these stories are questionable. I have no scale for age, so I am guessing on what I have been told.
Jesus did save me that day at the truckstop. He protected me. I don't have any recollection of what happened during those 13 hours alone, but I have peace knowing that my Daddy held me as my bio mom abandoned me.
Once the social worker picked me up, I was taken to my bio mom's sisters house. I will call her Aunt B. As soon as the social worker left, she stripped off all of my clothes and started burning me with cigarettes. I never understood what I did to deserve the things she did to me, but I supposed that I was just in denial over the horrible child I was. Aunt B. was addicted to drugs and maybe that was what made her do as she did. In order to get drugs, I was "traded". Favors for drugs. Not quite 5 years old. This season of life is something that has completely escaped my thoughts. God's protection maybe...or my denial. I don't remember details. My mind just skips over that chapter of my life.
Aunt B. hated me with everything inside of her, but so did her kids. I remember dying...or thinking I was going to die. Her kids "hung" me from the top bunk of their bunkbed (my neck was hanging between the bed and the wall). Luckily, someone came in and rescued me before I passed out.
When I wasn't the object of Aunt B's (or her kids') wrath, she locked me in a closet for days at a time. She didn't feed me, I didn't have anything to do. But, at least I was safe in there.
I don't know how it happened (my mind has no recollection yet), but I was taken away from her and put into a hospital for a very long time (I have heard a year). I was in the hospital for malnutrition. Makes sense when you aren't fed. Think of one of those kiddo's on the St Jude commercials. Belly protruding. Yep. That was me. My only visitor was my mom who I now call mom. She brought me a doll that played sounds.
I was happy in the hospital. The nurses loved me. Christmas went by and I got little gifts and candies. Easter went by and I got to meet the Easter bunny.
I would get so excited for the attention that I took advantage that my nurses would be there all the time. I remember hitting the "call" button to tell them all about the TV show I was watching. They scolded me that I could only use the button for something serious. I had nose bleeds so bad (still not sure why) that I would wake up and my entire bed would be covered in blood. One morning I woke up and the entire bed was soaked in blood. Smugly, knowing I had an excuse to call my favorite ladies, I hit the "call" button. My nurse came in and immediately started weeping. I wasn't sure why she was crying, but I thought I had upset her. I didn't hit the "call" button after that.
...to be continued
NOTE: My age in these stories are questionable. I have no scale for age, so I am guessing on what I have been told.
Jesus did save me that day at the truckstop. He protected me. I don't have any recollection of what happened during those 13 hours alone, but I have peace knowing that my Daddy held me as my bio mom abandoned me.
Once the social worker picked me up, I was taken to my bio mom's sisters house. I will call her Aunt B. As soon as the social worker left, she stripped off all of my clothes and started burning me with cigarettes. I never understood what I did to deserve the things she did to me, but I supposed that I was just in denial over the horrible child I was. Aunt B. was addicted to drugs and maybe that was what made her do as she did. In order to get drugs, I was "traded". Favors for drugs. Not quite 5 years old. This season of life is something that has completely escaped my thoughts. God's protection maybe...or my denial. I don't remember details. My mind just skips over that chapter of my life.
Aunt B. hated me with everything inside of her, but so did her kids. I remember dying...or thinking I was going to die. Her kids "hung" me from the top bunk of their bunkbed (my neck was hanging between the bed and the wall). Luckily, someone came in and rescued me before I passed out.
When I wasn't the object of Aunt B's (or her kids') wrath, she locked me in a closet for days at a time. She didn't feed me, I didn't have anything to do. But, at least I was safe in there.
I don't know how it happened (my mind has no recollection yet), but I was taken away from her and put into a hospital for a very long time (I have heard a year). I was in the hospital for malnutrition. Makes sense when you aren't fed. Think of one of those kiddo's on the St Jude commercials. Belly protruding. Yep. That was me. My only visitor was my mom who I now call mom. She brought me a doll that played sounds.
I was happy in the hospital. The nurses loved me. Christmas went by and I got little gifts and candies. Easter went by and I got to meet the Easter bunny.
I would get so excited for the attention that I took advantage that my nurses would be there all the time. I remember hitting the "call" button to tell them all about the TV show I was watching. They scolded me that I could only use the button for something serious. I had nose bleeds so bad (still not sure why) that I would wake up and my entire bed would be covered in blood. One morning I woke up and the entire bed was soaked in blood. Smugly, knowing I had an excuse to call my favorite ladies, I hit the "call" button. My nurse came in and immediately started weeping. I wasn't sure why she was crying, but I thought I had upset her. I didn't hit the "call" button after that.
...to be continued
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Free Indeed
"We can only love because we are born out of love, that we can only give because our life is a gift, and that we can only make others free because we are set free by Him whose heart is greater than ours"
I don't know about you, but Daddy has been transforming my life, my heart, my ways in the past several weeks. Many of you know what it is like to be a parent. When you have your first child, your heart overflows with an in-dwelling of love. You know without a doubt that you could love no bigger. But, now imagine another child. What happens? Does this mean that you have no love left for your second child. I have imagined this scenario many times in my heart and head. I think it comes from a place of disbelief that Daddy loves us all so completely and so individually. What Daddy has been teaching me over these past several weeks is that He purposed us into existence. He thought of each one of us before we were born. He dreamily created us in His mind before creating us with His hands. He envisioned our gifts and abilities. He knit us into our mothers womb as a one-and-only creation. What I have come to realize is that after child number 1 our heart doesn't wither up and die. It expands. It lengthens, widens, deepens. It grows larger to love another equally. We are different people, you and I. It doesn't make us better than another. Our gifts aren't more usable than another. We are loved the same by the King of Kings. He is fond of us all. We are all His favorites.
I ask that during these next weeks and months, that you forge your identity in Christ - with truth as your guide, not lies from the past, not the identity that others have spoken over you. I pray that you give yourself an honest assessment of how you feel about yourself and then note the truth of our Daddy: He says, "I enjoy you, I love you, I desire you, I delight in you and I made you exactly the way that I planned."
My heart is to see the captives set free. By that, I mean that I want to see my brothers and sisters in Christ living/walking in freedom. Living a victorious life. You have overcome the past. I pray that you are drinking deeply of His promises, of His truth, of life abundant.
Daddy, help us do as You do. Help us love as You love. Help us say as You say. Help us pray as You pray.
I don't know about you, but Daddy has been transforming my life, my heart, my ways in the past several weeks. Many of you know what it is like to be a parent. When you have your first child, your heart overflows with an in-dwelling of love. You know without a doubt that you could love no bigger. But, now imagine another child. What happens? Does this mean that you have no love left for your second child. I have imagined this scenario many times in my heart and head. I think it comes from a place of disbelief that Daddy loves us all so completely and so individually. What Daddy has been teaching me over these past several weeks is that He purposed us into existence. He thought of each one of us before we were born. He dreamily created us in His mind before creating us with His hands. He envisioned our gifts and abilities. He knit us into our mothers womb as a one-and-only creation. What I have come to realize is that after child number 1 our heart doesn't wither up and die. It expands. It lengthens, widens, deepens. It grows larger to love another equally. We are different people, you and I. It doesn't make us better than another. Our gifts aren't more usable than another. We are loved the same by the King of Kings. He is fond of us all. We are all His favorites.
I ask that during these next weeks and months, that you forge your identity in Christ - with truth as your guide, not lies from the past, not the identity that others have spoken over you. I pray that you give yourself an honest assessment of how you feel about yourself and then note the truth of our Daddy: He says, "I enjoy you, I love you, I desire you, I delight in you and I made you exactly the way that I planned."
My heart is to see the captives set free. By that, I mean that I want to see my brothers and sisters in Christ living/walking in freedom. Living a victorious life. You have overcome the past. I pray that you are drinking deeply of His promises, of His truth, of life abundant.
Daddy, help us do as You do. Help us love as You love. Help us say as You say. Help us pray as You pray.
Shakings
I don't know about you, but these last several weeks have been a time of trial, testing and shaking the very ground/foundation that I stand on. I have peace that God is in control of every situation and holds every circumstance in the palm of His hand. He uses every situation for His good and for His glory. So, my friends, my mantra still stands - with every problem, God gives us a promise and a provision. Are you being shaken? If so, let me give you a little encouragement…
Consider for a few moments your own customized shakings that have required a personal response or brought about a life change; some that have actually helped shape you into the person you are today. Certainly some deal with more severe, extended, or frequent types of "shakings" than others.
The entire chapter of Psalm 107 describes the shakings that took place while the Jews were exiled in Babylon. The ultimate reason for these shakings was to guide these people to God so they could recognize their blessings were from Him. When we keep the eternal perspective in the midst of our difficulties we will be quick to recognize the Lord's blessings and breathe a sigh that we have a faithful God who cares very deeply for our individual process…without looking too deeply into the earthly reasoning behind it.
Shakings are an inevitable part of our journey, so we might as well get used to it and learn to deal with it. Here is a promise we can depend on - We are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. We can find peace about our unpredictable future here on earth by purposefully focusing our attention on our promised future in heaven where our citizenship (adopted by Daddy) lies in a "kingdom that cannot be shaken."
Our journey through this life is but a transition to the future Kingdom God has prepared for us. I am convinced that very early in eternity we will recognize how brief our earthly journey really was, although since at this time earthly is all we know, it seems long and wholly significant!
That said, I want to encourage you all today to get the utmost out of your "shakings". I believe that these times of transition are relative to the final outcome of our individual identities. I wish to be all that God wants me to be. I pray that Daddy hold's you during your times of shaking, but uses this time to bring you into the fullness of who you are.
Consider for a few moments your own customized shakings that have required a personal response or brought about a life change; some that have actually helped shape you into the person you are today. Certainly some deal with more severe, extended, or frequent types of "shakings" than others.
The entire chapter of Psalm 107 describes the shakings that took place while the Jews were exiled in Babylon. The ultimate reason for these shakings was to guide these people to God so they could recognize their blessings were from Him. When we keep the eternal perspective in the midst of our difficulties we will be quick to recognize the Lord's blessings and breathe a sigh that we have a faithful God who cares very deeply for our individual process…without looking too deeply into the earthly reasoning behind it.
Shakings are an inevitable part of our journey, so we might as well get used to it and learn to deal with it. Here is a promise we can depend on - We are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. We can find peace about our unpredictable future here on earth by purposefully focusing our attention on our promised future in heaven where our citizenship (adopted by Daddy) lies in a "kingdom that cannot be shaken."
Our journey through this life is but a transition to the future Kingdom God has prepared for us. I am convinced that very early in eternity we will recognize how brief our earthly journey really was, although since at this time earthly is all we know, it seems long and wholly significant!
That said, I want to encourage you all today to get the utmost out of your "shakings". I believe that these times of transition are relative to the final outcome of our individual identities. I wish to be all that God wants me to be. I pray that Daddy hold's you during your times of shaking, but uses this time to bring you into the fullness of who you are.
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